My First Project, Draft #3

You know what makes it really easy to get thrown off from writing regularly?  Illness.  And Lice.  And having your desk turned into the family's official delousing station.  And your last week of work.  And your anniversary.  All of these things are important.  Some are more fun than others.  And they all happened between this past wednesday and today.

You know what makes it really easy to get back into writing?  Looking at job boards and seeing what kind of positions are sitting out there currently.  So let's dive back in.

My past couple of posts have centered on a new project that I am wanting to work on, a devotional for special needs families.  I have the first passage that I want to build off of, now I am working on crafting the devotional itself.  The second draft was a significant upgrade to the first one.  But as I read it over, I don't think I am done yet.  This version has a lot of justifying on my part.  I spend a lot of verbal real estate explaining filling out my hard story.  There is very little time actually spent on encouraging the reader.

Here's the thing.  Everyone who wants to read this devotional will have some form of a hard story.  If I throw out the details of my son's sleep issues, the automatic response is to compare and internally say, "That's not so bad.  Listen to this!"  I don't want this to be a competition about who has suffered the most, I want it to be an opportunity for those who are giving everything that they have to take a small break so that they can be filled up.  So let's remove most of my sleep story details and add more about Hope:

Blessed are the Poor in Spirit…

When Jesus saw the crowds, he went up the mountain; and after he sat down, his disciples came to him.  Then he began to speak, and taught them, saying:  “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.”

                                                                                -Matthew 5:1-3

     There is a hole in my living room wall.  It is the same size and shape as my fist…which is appropriate because that’s what I used to make the hole.

        I have a “I didn’t sleep when my son was little” story.  We all have those stories.  This was the night that I broke.  I was so tired and he was so loud and I was so angry and defeated that I lashed out.  The wall seemed like the target that would have the fewest long-term ramifications. That was the moment that I realized how insufficient I was for what I had been given in this life.  I did not have the skills…I did not have the character to be the father that my son needed.

This is being poor in spirit. We were created to be not enough so that we would seek out the One who completes us.  This tears at my soul.  I have to be enough.  I have to be.  Otherwise my son is doomed and I am a Failure.

        Not a Failure.  Blessed.  Favored.  Lucky.  Jesus says that we are among the most fortunate of humanity when we realize that we are incomplete.  “For theirs is the kingdom of heaven.”  God’s kingdom is tailor-made just for us.  It is a place where our shortcomings are covered by His goodness…where our selfishness is replaced by His compassion…where my feeble attempts to love my son are enhanced and reinforced by the One who is Love.

        I would never have known what “poor in spirit” meant if it was not for my son.  Through those late nights I have come to see myself more clearly.  I have come to see God more clearly.  I am grateful for those nights.

Reflections:

·         Where are you insufficient for your life?  Does that make you a Failure or Blessed?